Category Archives: Random Thoughts From Midgetspar
If I could kill people with dirty looks and finger snaps, I would be the least feared serial killer of all-time. Hamster Jesus would take the wheel and run with it. I can tell religion jokes ’cause I have a … Continue reading
“Aor! Aor!”. Yeah, seals, that’s how fuckin’ dumb you sound when you talk. I just called my yellow grass Emo and it cut itself. I just heard my neighbor yell, “I’m sick of it all! Sharks! Whales! Old Men! Turtles!” … Continue reading
Now seems to be the appropriate time to let you all know that I was raised by Taylor Lautner. If you’re wondering how many soda pops you need to drink before noon to have diarrhea .. it’s 11. I can’t … Continue reading
Sometimes I pretend my fingers are made of string cheese and then I need a band-aid. For all of you bitching about school and work, try too remember that Ferris Bueller didn’t have his first day off for 17 mother … Continue reading
Hey, just so you guys know .. it’s probably not a good idea to put your baby in a washing machine. I just came up with a new pick-up line *clears throat* … Hey, baby sweet cheeks cake … fuck. … Continue reading
Your baby is ugly. Your cell phone battery lasts a lot longer when you have no friends. Superman’s adopted. I hope someone makes a “found footage” movie about me after I die. 90 minutes of me masturbating as my cat … Continue reading
The drummer for Def Leppard sucks at Twister. I just carved “For A Good Time Play Tetherball” on the Applebees bathroom stall door. I hope The Hunger Games makes murdering kids with bow and arrows popular again.
If I ever become a rockstar, every night on stage .. I’m gonna make the crowd chant ‘SAND-WICH-ES! SAND-WICH-ES!’ If frogs had war paint on their faces they’d still taste like shit. Masturbating is not a perfectly normal, natural thing … Continue reading
I just pulled a back muscle masturbating. I might need help getting down from the roof. I’m still kinda surprised people eat assholes on purpose. Right now, somewhere in the world, Tom Cruise is fisting himself. Allegedly.