Category Archives: Random Thoughts From Midgetspar

“Aor! Aor!”. Yeah, seals, that’s how fuckin’ dumb you sound when you talk. I just called my yellow grass Emo and it cut itself. I just heard my neighbor yell, “I’m sick of it all! Sharks! Whales! Old Men! Turtles!” … Continue reading →

Now seems to be the appropriate time to let you all know that I was raised by Taylor Lautner. If you’re wondering how many soda pops you need to drink before noon to have diarrhea .. it’s 11. I can’t … Continue reading →

Sometimes I pretend my fingers are made of string cheese and then I need a band-aid. For all of you bitching about school and work, try too remember that Ferris Bueller didn’t have his first day off for 17 mother … Continue reading →

Hey, just so you guys know .. it’s probably not a good idea to put your baby in a washing machine. I just came up with a new pick-up line *clears throat* … Hey, baby sweet cheeks cake … fuck. … Continue reading →

Your baby is ugly. Your cell phone battery lasts a lot longer when you have no friends. Superman’s adopted. I hope someone makes a “found footage” movie about me after I die. 90 minutes of me masturbating as my cat … Continue reading →

The drummer for Def Leppard sucks at Twister. I just carved “For A Good Time Play Tetherball” on the Applebees bathroom stall door. I hope The Hunger Games makes murdering kids with bow and arrows popular again.

If I ever become a rockstar, every night on stage .. I’m gonna make the crowd chant ‘SAND-WICH-ES! SAND-WICH-ES!’ If frogs had war paint on their faces they’d still taste like shit. Masturbating is not a perfectly normal, natural thing … Continue reading →

I just pulled a back muscle masturbating. I might need help getting down from the roof. I’m still kinda surprised people eat assholes on purpose. Right now, somewhere in the world, Tom Cruise is fisting himself. Allegedly.

Where the fuck did all the grasshoppers go? This is serious shit? I haven’t seen one in 4 years. Same thing with crickets? Those bitches were EVERYWHERE when I was a kid. Where the fuck are all the crickets!? All … Continue reading →

Virgins are cool at first, then they become the biggest pussies! It must suck being a woman .. always being someone’s sloppy seconds and all? I dunno. Carving something out of nothing is impossible, buttholes. I’ve watched the first Lord … Continue reading →