The Absolute Best Rides For Your Money

Salma Hayek Cleavage

There is an internet article called “The Absolute Best Rides For Your Money”.

I’m pretty sure it’s about cars. I don’t give a fuck about cars nor do I want to read an article about shit I can’t afford. So I made my own list. Salma Hayek is not on it, I just really liked the picture. A lot.

THE ABSOLUTE BEST RIDES FOR YOUR MONEY

1. Lindsay Lohan
Lohan can probably be purchased for around $10,000 dollars. She’s coked out of her fuckin’ mind and won’t remember what happend the next morning, so you probably won’t even have to pay her if you set your alarm for early morning.

2. Betty White
You can probably bang Betty White for a good $50,000. It might not be the best ride, but she’s famous and you could say “I banged Betty White”. That is worth the price. Plus it’s her birthday today. Happy Birthday, Betty White.

3. Katy Perry
You could probably score with Perry for around $75,000. That is way cheaper than it should be. Strike while the iron is hot. She is recently divorced and will be looking for profitable anger banging revenge. Plus, boobs.

4. Beyonce Knowles
You could probably slip it in Beyonce for around $5,000,000,000. Even if you had the money, though, you would never get a chance. You would sit on the bed while she told you what a great ride she was, for 10 hours. Diva’s.

5. Steve Jobs
You can have sex with Steve Jobs for free. You just need a shovel and some camouflage. Don’t get caught though, or America will disown you and you’ll probably go to prison until the IPad 47 comes out.

See you in hell.

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