Midgetspar Movie Reviews – 21 Jump Street, Flesh Texas, and Road House 2

I have watched 3 new movies (new to me) the last few days and I’ve decided to post some reviews along with pictures and the trailers for each.

These 3 movies are different in EVERY way. I will start with the worst and work my way up.

FLESH, TX

Yep, that’s the name. Last night I discovered YouTube had free movies you can watch. There are some good ones in there but most you’ve never heard of.

I love shitty horror movies, and they have plenty. I’m not going to lie, I chose Flesh, TX strictly based on the cover art.

Kudos to whoever gets paid to make these Dvd sleeve art pics. It’s like taking home a hot girl with huge tits then finding out she has a dick.

Flesh, TX looks like it was shot on a Best Buy $400 video camera. The directing and editing are absolutely horrible.

The movie revolves around a family of cannibals who dabble in a bit (a lot) of incest along the way.

Outside of Emilio Estevez and Charlie Sheen’s Uncle, Joe Estevez (who is in the movie for 6 minutes) it stars a bunch of people I’ve never heard of …

And the main core of actors do surprisingly well given the budget and style of film this is. The bit part actors all suck, which isn’t surprising, but the main characters ALMOST make up for the terrible production.

Kathleen Benner stars as “Sugar”, the sex pot who acts as bait to lure dinner to the family’s house. Her father is the Sheriff and the rest of the family is made up of your typical inbred types.

After a few killings/meals the story introduces the plot. A mother and daughter traveling to LA, stops at a gas station in this small creepy town, and her daughter is naturally abducted.

Everything from there is pretty standard for the “Captain Saves The Day” type film .. and it establishes a relationship with the kidnapped future meal of a daughter and the retarded beefy son who has a good heart, hasn’t ever killed anyone, but does what he’s told because he doesn’t know any better.

I wouldn’t suggest ever watching this “video” unless it’s 1am and you have nothing else to do. Being a fan of shitty horror movies is a must, as well.

On a scale of 1 to 10? As a regular movie .. Flesh, Tx gets a 1 .. but for what it is and how it was made? I’d give it a 4.

Flesh, Tx (movie trailer)

http://youtu.be/cGUhdRqTAFo

If you can’t tell already from the pictures, I am a Patrick Swayze fan. It’s not from the movies, it’s from the actual pictures that are made. Figure that shit out.

ROAD HOUSE 2: LAST CALL

Also free on YouTube, by the way.

Johnathon Schaech stars as Shane Tanner, who is Dalton’s (Patrick Swayze’s character) son from the first movie.

Dalton has long been murdered and now Swayze’s kid returns to his home town after hearing his Uncle (played by Will Patton) has had the shit kicked out of him and is hospitalized.

Instead of “The Double Deuce”, the bar is now called “The Black Pelican”. Sends goosebumps up your spine, doesn’t it?

It’s the same ‘ol with this sequel. He shows up, meets a girl, takes over the bar, befriends the bouncers, kicks peoples ass, then there is a showdown.

There are very few things about this movie that are enjoyable. It’s not terrible, it’s just not enjoyable. It’s your typical straight to DVD sequel.

One bright spot is Jake Busey (Gary Busey’s son) who is always kinda fun to watch. He is one of the main bad guys in this movie .. and he pales in comparison to the original’s resident asshole.

There are some tits in the movie which is always a plus, but all in all, it’s expectantly disappointing.

Road House 2 gets a 5 out of 10 .. mainly for the boobs.

There are only two things that could have made this movie better …

Road House 2: Last Call (movie trailer)

21 Jump Street

This movie is recent so I won’t get into much detail, but it surprised me.

I have a daughter, so I have to see every movie Channing Tatum is in by default. The kid was pretty fuckin’ funny in this one. I would say he actually made me laugh more than Jonah Hill (Who needs to get fat to be funny, again).

Tatum is like a smarter version of Paul Walker. He has absolutely no range as an actor. Where Tatum succeeds where Walker didn’t … was Channing takes on movie roles that fit into that limited range.

It’s a buddy cop movie / coming of age tale, where two kids in High School on opposite sides of popularity end up becoming friends after both join the police force.

School has changed, and so do things that make you popular. It’s a role reversal that is fun to watch.

The movie co-stars a lot of familiar faces. Ice Cube does his typical “I’m black, bad-ass, and in your face” thing. Dave Franco (James Franco’s brother) is an eco-friendly drug dealer (who’s funny) and Rob Riggle is the gym coach.

No more details. Just go see it. It’s a fun ride and is never boring. Members of the original show make cameos (which is not breaking news) including Johnny Depp.

21 Jump Street gets 7.5 out of 10. I would give it that extra .5 to round up .. but there were no female nipples.

21 Jump Street (red band movie trailer)

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One Response to Midgetspar Movie Reviews – 21 Jump Street, Flesh Texas, and Road House 2

  1. Travis says:

    I wonder how long it will be until there’s a porn version called 21 Hump Street.

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