Mega Millions Has 3 Winners

The record breaking $640 million jackpot was won by 3 people. After splitting it and taxes, they’ll still have *calculates* … a lot of money.

They are all probably 88 year old women who live in trailers. Women who gambled their lives away playing grocery store Keno. It always fucking works this way.

Millions of people are sad and depressed because now they have to go back to playing that $100 million dollar Powerball bullshit.

If I won the lottery, I wouldn’t get to crazy. It’s just fucking money, people. It ruins lives.

I’d lay low, buy the Pacific Ocean, build the Waterworld movie set … look for land and fuck hot bitches the rest of my life.

A very simple, humble existence.

Fuck you.

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