Here is a quick countdown of shit in the news that most people care about .. it’s totally irrelevant stuff. But for some reason you assholes get excited when you hear that Matt Damon had lunch around 2pm on an outdoor patio.
HEADLINES:
1. Small Plane Crashes Into Florida Supermarket
Who gives a shit. Fuck Florida.
2. Khloe Kardashian Shows Skin On Magazine Cover
That’s all they do? They get naked and suck dick. That’s how they got famous. They are media cunts. Who cares.
3. Jaleel White Explodes In Rage Against DWTS Dancing Partner Kym Johnson
I’m sure he didn’t mean it. He’s probably just stressed out from all the recent abuse claims his ex his claiming.
4. Salma Hayek Reveals She Battled Severe Depression
Life is tough when you have $100 million dollars and huge tits.
5. Baby Blue Ivy Carter Looks A Lot Like Famous Father Jay-Z
Strange how a child can take on the DNA characteristics of one of it’s biological parents, isn’t it? Sadly, the kids lips now wrap all the way around her face.
6. This Type Of Food Is Linked To Depression
All food links to depression if you’re fat as fuck and can’t stop eating it. Scientists spend years and millions to always determine “something might” cause something. Fuck scientists.
7. A New Test MIGHT Detect Colon Cancer Early
See #6. Fuck scientists.
8. Baby Rock Climbing May Be To Dangerous For Tots
I didn’t make that up. I hear you’re not suppose to put them in washing machines, either.
9. Why Good Dad’s Make Mom’s Jealous
Because bitches are crazy. Everyone knows that.
10. Cops May Have Solved Case Of Missing Teen After Discovering Her Dead Body
……….. I think you found her, guys. Missing person, case closed.