Stupid News For Stupid People

More news that you care about but shouldn’t. These are headlines taken from AOL.COM, today.

1. Music artist Prince loses multi-million dollar lawsuit.

This is sad. Now all he’s left with is multi-millions of dollars.

2. After 19 years the “Frasier” theme song composer explains the odd lyrics.

There are starving children in Africa. I hope you buttfucks can die happy now.

3. Singer “Pink” names her daughter after a tree.

Celebrities giving their kids fucked up names isn’t news.

I hope her and Blue Ivy Carter fight to the death when The Hunger Games becomes a reality.

4. When should you buy generic items?

How about when you can’t afford non generic items. Thanks for the article, AOL.

5. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie get engaged.

Fuck them, fuck you, and fuck them, again.

6. The 10 best jobs in the US.

They fucked this list all up. I’m not going to tell you what’s on it, but here is what they should be.

1. Pornstar
2. Porn Movie Director
3. Actor
4. Major Sport Athlete
5. Hollywood Agent
6. Popular Website Creator
7. Opening Doors For Howie Mandel
8. Gynecologist
9. Plastic Surgeon Who Only Does Tits
10. Porn Movie Film Reviewer

7. 6 Foot Alligator Attacks Motel Guest

If you’re in a motel and close enough to an alligator to get attacked, you deserve every second of it.

8. Obama Urges Romney To Be Honest About Tax Returns

That’s your job fuckhole. Is this your first campaign? I’m sure you are listing all your faults for your next speech, too.

9. The Science Of Sleep

You lay down, close your eyes, fall asleep, wake up. Repeat process. I just saved you 10 minutes of reading.

10. Do UFO encounters pose a safety threat for air planes?

I seriously hate all of you. Every last one.

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