There are two reasons I’m pissed off that Katy Perry already has a new boyfriend.
1. The sanctity of marriage is a fucking joke. How anyone (and especially celebrities) move on to a new partner after being married for years, this quick, truly disturbs me.
2. I now have to wait even longer for my turn. Boobs.
She was at Coachella with some guitarist guy from the band Florence Henderson And The Time Machines (or some shit like that, I dunno).
He looks like a zombie. I’m going to start calling him The Albino Lurch.
Fuck that guy for getting to stick those boobs in his mouth.
Fuck that guy.
I also want to be clear on something. Katy Perry’s music sucks. I hate it and the entire gimmick that goes along with it.
But she is ditsy fuckable hot and I love her tits.