Ring my doorbell while simultaneously knocking and I’ll fucking kill you.
I bet Jesus wore socks but made the painters edit them out because he knew we’d make fun of that shit, someday.
If we’re all God’s children, he owes A LOT of back child support. I’d lay low, too.
The best part about a girl getting a new ankle tattoo, is the picture they post of themselves topless holding their breasts to show people.
I dunno if it’s still cool to punch shit out of people’s hands, but there’s an old lady crying, standing in a puddle of 2% milk in aisle 4.