Whether it’s at 9 and 3, 10 and 2, or at high noon like most of us asshats, we’ve all gripped one. As kids we climbed behind it, recklessly turning it side to side, pretending to drive away from our abusive parents. As teenagers, the day couldn’t come fast enough that we’d finally be facing it with the car actually running. As adults, well, we really have no option, and it fucking sucks. We’ve beat on it when we’re angry, because some asshole cut us off. We’ve beat on it when we’re daydreaming of being the world’s best drummer, when we really have the musical talent of the Black Eyed Peas. It’s the steering wheel, ladies and gents. It is by far the most unappreciated component of the piece of shit you call a car.
The steering wheel has been an integral component of the automobile since its conception. Without the steering wheel, we could not maneuver the vehicle to our desired destination, or narrowly avoid the barrier after chugging a case of Schlitz. Even though its primary use is it to steer the vehicle, it has been upgraded throughout the years, the only constant being its circular shape. From the addition of the horn, airbag and home to features such as cruise control, radio and phone, the steering wheel now looks it’s supposed to steer a fucking spaceship.
So, the next time you’re out and about to get ice cream or simply cruising for prostitutes, give your steering wheel the respect it deserves. I honestly have no idea what that entails, but I had no other way of ending this ridiculous entry.
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