Weekend Box Office: Nov 23-25

1. Breaking Eclipses Twilight Dawn Electric Boogaloo 2 – $43.6 million

This movie is about an arm wrestling competition. If the stoic bitch wins, Jacob has to fuck some wolf pussy and stop going after babies. If the guy who can’t act with arm muscles wins, ladies and gay dudes will continue masturbating on queue.

2. Skyfall – $35.5 million

3. Lincoln – $25.6 million

4. Rise of the Guardians – $23.7 million

Darth Vadar returns in this 932nd Star Wars installment where he bangs the Tooth Fairy and it really pisses the Easter Bunny off. This movie isn’t for kids, though the marketing suggests it. Every living creature in this film goes full frontal.

5. Life of Pi – $22.4 million

This movie is about an Indian kid (or something) and a big fat piece of shit tiger that go sailing for 2 hours. I know, I can’t wait to see it, either.

6. Wreck-It Ralph – $16.5 million

The long awaited sequel to Boogie Nights. Ralph has abnormally large hands which obviously means he’s gotta big cock and just beats up cartoon pussy for 90 minutes. I dunno.

7. Red Dawn – $14.2 million

Hey, remember that cult classic with Patrick Swayze (and others)? This is like the same thing but with Thor, the little girl from The Hunger Games, and some Nickelodeon stars. Hang in there for the end, when Wreck-It Ralph crosses over from his movie to this, and destroys some ass with his cartoon cock. I dunno.

8. Flight – $8.4 million

9. Silver Linings Playbook – $4.3 million

10. Argo – $3.8 million

Pretty sure Argo is a film about Ben Affleck’s beard running around Somalia asking kids if they ever watched Good Will Hunting. Then he shaves his beard and glues it on the last dog known to the country to disguise it and help it escape where the beard eventually falls off and the dog gets eaten in the Philippines, anyway.

These reviews may or may not be entirely accurate.

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One Response to Weekend Box Office: Nov 23-25

  1. The_Sculptress says:

    Twilight is like, the best like, movie, like, EVER, like, okay? Fathers everywhere use their teenage daughters to go in and sneak a big screen view. Some have even been known to “fall asleep” during screening. Yeah. Sleep. Sure, okay. Sleeping with one eye open, feverishly locked on muscle boy in all his glory. Jigs up, Dads. I’m SO, like, totally, like, on to you. *pops gum*

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