Everyone Has A Talent
Its amazing how everyone wants to find that “special someone” but most are afraid to go there. You know, to that horrible, vulnerable place. The “I don’t want him to know that I live in the land of emotional nerve-ville”. Or that I am possibly a second away from throwing up or crapping myself.
Why is that exactly?
What is so fucking horrible about being vulnerable in life? I think a part of it is based on the fact that we are all too damn afraid to look stupid that we don’t even try. My talent in life is my ability to attract douche bags. If there is a douche bag within a 5 mile radius, I am hopelessly attracted. Its a special talent that I have honed over the years. It’s my douche bag magnet. It’s on me some where. I just need to find where it is hiding and destroy it.
I know in the past my friends would bring me out to meet the new boyfriend to see if I thought he was a “nice” guy so that they could run screaming from the building and from the impending disaster if I did. Everyone has a talent in life and this is mine, folks. But there is a flip side to it all. Do I think all men are dip shit douche bags? Hell no. I know that not all guys would forget about a date due to eating a Kraft dinner and watching PVR.
Yup ladies, it’s happened.
Or would leave you alone at 1:00am in a deserted parking lot instead of walking you to your car.
I have met some gems. But there are those ones that truly blow your mind. The ones that after you say goodnight, your ovaries actually high-five each other, kinda guys. I’ve seen the other side of things. I have met one person in particular that showed me that not all men are evil.
You know who you are.
I’ve also learned that without risk there is no reward. So by this time next year I hope to be de-douche bagged and ready to find the true love that all romantic comedy’s shove down our throats. Either that, or I will just plan on buying cats.
Lots and lots of cats ..and start buying my “I give up” clothes. Who knows, 2014 could be a big year. I might finally get my “big break” and end up on Hoarders with my 78 cats in a moo moo. Good to have goals ladies and gentlemen.
Either way, if anyone wants to trade my douche bag magnet for a nice guy one, I am game.
You can follow Lani Hayden on Twitter at @Lani_Hayden