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We sat as a family on December 25th inside my sister and her husband’s newly purchased country home. My Grandmother, Dorthy, at 100 years old took the gift I had got her and stared it down. Days prior I was … Continue reading
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1. Breaking Eclipses Twilight Dawn Electric Boogaloo 2 – $43.6 million This movie is about an arm wrestling competition. If the stoic bitch wins, Jacob has to fuck some wolf pussy and stop going after babies. If the guy who … Continue reading
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Your Mom Thought It Was Funny The average person won’t tell you when they think something you said was funny. They will smile, laugh, share your jokes with friends, and anticipate more. They will use your words in situations and … Continue reading
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The Letter I just received this letter in the mail: Dear Corey, So, you’ve probably heard by now that come late December, I’m gonna destroy Earth and start over again. I was gonna have you build an Ark and select … Continue reading
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The Adventures of Patrick Swayze The Great White Swayze As the sun fades and the stars come out to play, another day decides to call it a wrap. Thoughts and daydreams run through the mind like Hamster Jesus asking Carrie … Continue reading
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“I cannot control the way you perceive my words. I can only control the intent behind which they were written.” – Me, about 8 months ago Life needs a Captain Crunch decoder pen for all those moments when a joke … Continue reading
Sweaty butt sex is gross. That’s why I do all my anal during the Fall holidays. Summertime Anal only sounds good in Will Smith songs. I just made a helmet for my testicles out of half of an avocado skin. … Continue reading
Ring my doorbell while simultaneously knocking and I’ll fucking kill you. I bet Jesus wore socks but made the painters edit them out because he knew we’d make fun of that shit, someday. If we’re all God’s children, he owes … Continue reading
I’m gonna tie a live butterfly to my exposed boner and let him pull me around town tomorrow. It’s gonna be so fuckin’ beautiful. Fucking someones brains out isn’t as easy as you might think, guys. Those things are really … Continue reading
Just bought a Bald Eagle and named it Bruce Willis ’cause it drinks Wine Coolers like a bad ass. I don’t mean to burst your guys’ bubble, but you’re not surrounded by fuckin’ bubbles .. and if you were, you … Continue reading
