Tag Archives: random thought

I’m gonna tie a live butterfly to my exposed boner and let him pull me around town tomorrow. It’s gonna be so fuckin’ beautiful. Fucking someones brains out isn’t as easy as you might think, guys. Those things are really … Continue reading →

My girlfriend just had “The Talk” with me. Like I don’t understand what the rape whistle on her nightstand means. Can you skinny jean to death? I sure hope so. One of the reasons I don’t hunt is because I’m … Continue reading →

If I could kill people with dirty looks and finger snaps, I would be the least feared serial killer of all-time. Hamster Jesus would take the wheel and run with it. I can tell religion jokes ’cause I have a … Continue reading →

“Aor! Aor!”. Yeah, seals, that’s how fuckin’ dumb you sound when you talk. I just called my yellow grass Emo and it cut itself. I just heard my neighbor yell, “I’m sick of it all! Sharks! Whales! Old Men! Turtles!” … Continue reading →

Now seems to be the appropriate time to let you all know that I was raised by Taylor Lautner. If you’re wondering how many soda pops you need to drink before noon to have diarrhea .. it’s 11. I can’t … Continue reading →

Sometimes I pretend my fingers are made of string cheese and then I need a band-aid. For all of you bitching about school and work, try too remember that Ferris Bueller didn’t have his first day off for 17 mother … Continue reading →

Hey, just so you guys know .. it’s probably not a good idea to put your baby in a washing machine. I just came up with a new pick-up line *clears throat* … Hey, baby sweet cheeks cake … fuck. … Continue reading →

Your baby is ugly. Your cell phone battery lasts a lot longer when you have no friends. Superman’s adopted. I hope someone makes a “found footage” movie about me after I die. 90 minutes of me masturbating as my cat … Continue reading →

The drummer for Def Leppard sucks at Twister. I just carved “For A Good Time Play Tetherball” on the Applebees bathroom stall door. I hope The Hunger Games makes murdering kids with bow and arrows popular again.